This blog post appears courtesy of Five Minute Friday.
So, I haven't been blogging lately. Sure, I've been busy. But mostly, it's because my life has rapidly become full of secrets, and I don't know how to talk about stuff I can't talk about. Given that this week's Five-Minute Friday prompt is the word "secret" ... well, gee, I've sure got something to say.
We had a horrible series of racist incidents on campus. Rumors were flying everywhere. But an official investigation was ongoing, and so what little hard information I was given was embargoed from public discussion. "Please keep the secret; talking about it makes it harder for law enforcement to find the perpetrators."
People at church are going through hard times. I try to support them, but I don't know how. I can't talk with others about how to support them, though, because then I'm telling their secrets. And so I wonder if anyone else is helping them.
It's hard to relate to my students sometimes. But I can't talk about the struggles I have in relating to my students, because in doing so, I'm revealing information about them that is protected by Federal law. The law says I have to keep their secrets.
US politics depresses me horribly. I want to be able to talk about it, to help me process it, to help me make sense of it, to help me figure out what (if anything) I might be called to do in order to be salt and light in a fallen world. But any attempt I make at talking about politics generates more heat than light. I'm pressured to keep silent about things I'm passionate about because those who disagree with me view my differences as "divisive". Feel free to think what you want, they say, but keep your thoughts secret.
And then there's the secret that I can't even begin to discuss, because even a hint at what I know would violate the confidentiality I've been asked to maintain. There really isn't any point in talking about the secret; those who need to know about it know, and everything that needs to be done is being done. But the secret sits there unresolved in my gut.
So how do you blog publicly when most of what you want to blog about are secrets that you've promised not to discuss?
I don't expect an answer from anyone reading this. I don't think there is an answer. But that's where I'm living right now.